Thanissaro Bhikkhu on Equanimity

Question: For Westerners, equanimity is often given a bad rap. It’s seen as kind of a sense of futility, a passive attitude, indifference, or even a weakness. Is this true? Can you give us some examples that would show that there is actually a noble, better understanding of this noble faculty? Thanissaro Bhikkhu: Equanimity is basically accepting things that you realize you cannot change. And the reason why we have to accept them is because if we don’t, we waste a lot of energy trying to change things that we can’t. If you do develop equanimity toward those things, though, then you have the energy to change the things that you can. For example, suppose that someone in your family has a serious illness. You have to accept that fact with equanimity, and then from there you try to see what you can do to help. The acceptance is what allows you to think clearly. If you’re upset or disturbed by the illness, sometimes you actually make the condition worse. So, we’re not talking about a gene...

"There’s the equanimity that’s part of the four brahmavihāras. This is the kind of equanimity that functions well together with goodwill [mettā] and compassion. You might call it the equanimity of a good doctor. Every good doctor has goodwill and compassion for the patient and wants the patient to be cured, but may find that there are some symptoms he cannot cure. But he doesn’t give up totally on the patient. He develops equanimity toward the symptoms he can’t cure so that he can focus on those he can — or at least on ways in which he can alleviate the patient’s pain and suffering. Instead of trying to force things in areas where he cannot make a difference, he channels his goodwill and compassion for the patient in other ways that are more fruitful and productive. In this way, he doesn’t waste his time and energy on areas where he cannot give help so that he will have the time and energy to focus on areas where he can be of help." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Good Heart, Goo...

Question: I’ve come to meditation to help me bear the atrocities of the world. What is awakening? Is it a moment of conscience when one embraces all the sorrows of the world, and in that case means hello to all sorrows or is it on the contrary a state of total forgetfulness and egotism, in that case it would be hello to guilt? So, which is it? Thanissaro Bhikkhu: Neither. Remember the image of feeding. Ordinarily, we feed on the world, both physically and mentally, in order to gain happiness and maintain our identity as beings. But when you gain full awakening, the mind no longer needs to feed because it already has enough in terms of its own happiness. When you’ve reached that state, you can engage in the world without having to feed on it. You can help those whom you can help, and you don’t have to suffer in cases where you can’t help. In this way, you’re neither embracing the sorrows of the world nor are you running away from them. Instead you have a different relati...

"We need equanimity in order to deal with difficult situations, but you don’t want to be equanimous about everything that comes along, “You know, the mind isn’t getting concentrated, well, I’ll be equanimous about it. Greed has moved in: I’ll be equanimous about it." Well, that doesn’t work. When things outside aren’t going well, the Buddha doesn’t say to replace them with more pleasant things outside or an I-don’t-care equanimity. He says to remind yourself that the real work, the real problem is inside. Replace householder grief with what he calls renunciate grief. In other words, when the situation outside is bad, you remind yourself that the real problem is not the situation outside. It’s the fact that you still have work to be done inside. That’s why you’re suffering. So that’s a case where you just can’t be equanimous about everything. This doesn’t mean that when situations aren’t going well outside that the other person may not be at fault. But the quest...

Question: I’ve come to meditation to help me bear the atrocities of the world. What is awakening? Is it a moment of conscience when one embraces all the sorrows of the world, and in that case means hello to all sorrows or is it on the contrary a state of total forgetfulness and egotism, in that case it would be hello to guilt? So, which is it? Thanissaro Bhikkhu: Neither. Remember the image of feeding. Ordinarily, we feed on the world, both physically and mentally, in order to gain happiness and maintain our identity as beings. But when you gain full awakening, the mind no longer needs to feed because it already has enough in terms of its own happiness. When you’ve reached that state, you can engage in the world without having to feed on it. You can help those whom you can help, and you don’t have to suffer in cases where you can’t help. In this way, you’re neither embracing the sorrows of the world nor are you running away from them. Instead you have a different relati...

"The fourth brahma-vihāra is equanimity. Equanimity is expressed in a different manner from the other three. The first three are expressed with the phrase, “May all beings be happy” and “May they do this” and “May they do that.” In other words, it’s a wish. Equanimity is expressed by a statement of fact. “All living beings are the owners of their actions, heir to their actions, and so forth.” This is not a wish; it’s a statement of fact. There’s no “may” there at all. Equanimity is the appropriate emotion to feel when you see that there are beings who are doing things that will cause suffering and that no matter what you do, they will not stop. Or they are suffering from something in their past actions, and no matter how hard you try to help them you cannot stop that suffering. This is when the Buddha has you reflect on the fact of kamma: All beings are owners of their actions, and there are some cases where their actions prevent you from helping them or your own lack of skill p...

"The more limited, the more narrow our concerns are, the bigger the sufferings in life are going to seem, and the more overwhelming. If we’re going to work on them, we have to make sure they don’t seem so overwhelming. We have to make our mind larger than they are so they don’t consume all our attention. Think about other beings: They have their sufferings as well. They want happiness as well. So in one sense, we’re all in this together, and you have to think about how your sufferings fit in with the rest of the sufferings of the world. To what extent are you actually causing other people to suffer? Also, remember that there are a lot of people out there who are suffering a lot more than you are right now. Even though you don’t feel their sufferings, at least it’s important to remember them to get a sense of perspective on where you are and what your problems are so that you can tackle them with more confidence — realizing as you’re sitting here meditating, it’s not just your iss...

"We often think that equanimity is simply accepting things and having no reaction at all, but that’s not what equanimity means. It means looking at things from a larger perspective and getting a sense of your priorities — i.e., what’s important, what’s not important — and developing equanimity for the unimportant things, where you can’t make a difference, so that you can focus on areas where you can. It also involves reminding yourself that when you do respond to a situation, it’s going to have consequences in the long term, so you want your response to be focused and wise. In order to remind yourself of that fact, the Buddha has you look at the human situation from a larger perspective. One of his passages for dealing with anger against someone is to think, “This person has done something bad to me in the past. But what should I expect?” “This person has done something bad to people I love. What should I expect?” “This person has done something good to people I hate. What should ...

"The second form of right resolve is to get rid of ill-will, which is the desire to see other people suffer. You have to look at why you would want them to suffer, and how you justify that desire to yourself. Go down the list of people you would like to see suffer and ask yourself: “What would you gain from their suffering?” There may be thoughts of revenge or thoughts of justice, you might say. It’s not fair that these people get away with all the horrible things they’re doing in the world. But why do you have to get involved in that? Why do you have to be the one who’s passing judgment on others in that way? It enflames the mind. There’s no real happiness there at all. And it leads you eventually to doing unskillful things. When the Buddha talks about developing thoughts of goodwill [mettā], it’s precisely because you need that motivation to nourish your own good actions. You want to be happy and you realize your happiness cannot depend on the misery of other people. So you ha...

"Then there’s also the reflection on equanimity: All beings are the owners of their actions . This is our reality check, because we realize that the suffering of the world is just too much for us to go out and solve entirely. There are limits on our time and our energy, and we have no control over other people. After all, people are going to be happy, they’re going to suffer, based on their actions . Even in a small group of people, you can’t get everybody to agree on what the path to happiness is going to be. Or even if they do agree, you can’t get everybody to practice the way you think they should practice. The world is going to go its way. We can either make that a source of suffering or we can decide that we have to accept that fact and then focus on what we can accomplish. After all, the Buddha couldn’t teach everybody. There were lots of people who would listen to him and didn’t agree and went off their own way. But he did something really remarkable. Instead...

"Equanimity is the most refined of all the brahma-vihāras. It’s not a wish; it’s a statement of fact. All beings are the owners of their actions, heir to their actions. Whatever they do, for good or for evil, to that will they fall heir. Period. It’s a chastening thought, but one that you can hold on to and not suffer nearly so much. Ajaan Fuang commented that mettā needs upekkhā or equanimity if it’s not going to turn into a source of suffering. This is why the brahma-vihāras come in a set. Mettā keeps upekkhā from becoming cold and heartless. You go through the first three before you get to the fourth one. The equanimity is where you can go when you look at the world and realize, “They’re hunting people down and they’re making it legal. People in power are ripping off the rest of the society, and it’s legal.” And you want to wonder, what’s wrong with this human race? So you have to step back a little bit further and say, “Well, it’s karma.” And where are you goin...

"There are two kinds of equanimity. There’s the kind that says, “Okay, I’m just going to be okay with whatever comes up and stay there.” That kind of equanimity can sap your strength and make you say, “Well, I don’t know if it’s going to be worth the effort to make any changes, so I’ll just learn how to accept things as they are.” And all too often that’s portrayed as what the Buddha taught. I saw an interview one time with a teacher who was saying just that: that the practice is all about learning just to go with the flow and not to try to make any changes in life. Just be equanimous about everything. The interviewer asked the teacher, “Isn’t that defeatist?” And the teacher said, “Well, only if you think about it.” Which is pretty sad. Are we supposed to not think? Of course we’re supposed to think. The Buddha thought a lot. He set down guidelines for how to think. He didn’t say not to think. He said to think in terms of appropriate attention, to think in terms of t...

Question: Sometimes I get in touch with the suffering of others and then experience very strong sadness. How do you advise handling that? Thanissaro Bhikkhu: The first step is to spread thoughts of goodwill [mettā] to those people. If there is something you can do for them, then do that. If there’s nothing you can do, then you have to move from goodwill to equanimity, which is the thought that all of us have our own kamma, and if you focus on things where you can’t make a difference, then you’ll deplete the energy you could otherwise use to help people you actually can help. It’s one of the hard parts of being a human being that we can’t help everyone who is suffering. So you try to focus on the cases where you can be of help. ~ "The Karma of Mindfulness: The Buddha's Teachings on Sati and Kamma"

"We’re not here to connect with everybody. That’s an idea that has its roots back in European Romanticism: the idea we’re suffering because we don’t connect with all our fellow humanity. Well, there are some people you don’t want to connect with because they’ll have a bad influence on you. It’s not that you’re passing judgment on them forever, but you use your judgment, you use your circumspection to see which friendships are actually having a good impact on you, and which ones are not." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Circumspection"

"So equanimity means realizing that when things can’t be forced, you’ve got to step back. Whatever you can’t control, you let it take its own time, to develop or go away at its own pace. You focus your efforts instead on the skillfulness of your present intentions, which may require patience and equanimity, doing your best to put as much positive energy into the situation, and not getting upset because the results are not immediate. The important point is that you be secure in your confidence that as long as you put in positive energy, there will have to be positive results — if not right now, then someplace down the line. That’s what you control, the fact that you’re putting in positive energy, putting in skillful intentions right now. As for when these things will bear fruit, that’s up to them, that’s up to the jagged rhythm in the whole mix of your karma. So it’s important that you understand what equanimity means. It doesn’t mean that you’re totally non-reactive ...

"When you encounter suffering that you can’t stop no matter how hard you try, you need equanimity to avoid creating additional suffering and to channel your energies to areas where you can be of help. You also need equanimity to strengthen your endurance when meeting with difficulties or needing to make sacrifices in the course of striving for greater happiness." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "The Sublime Attitudes: A Study Guide on the Brahmavihāras"

“Even the Buddha couldn’t save other people; there were many people he couldn’t even teach. He taught only those who could be taught — in other words, those who were willing to take responsibility for their own sufferings.” ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu “You Can't Eat the Buddha” (Meditations5)

"Aging comes, illness comes, death comes. We see this all around us, and we have to remind ourselves: This is normal. Our problem is that we see it as normal for other people but not normal for ourselves. We constantly think that we’re an exception. It’s like that cartoon in the New Yorker: Three death-figures [grim reapers]. One of them is lying on the ground on its back, and one of the other ones is saying, “You never think it’s going to happen to you.” But once there’s birth there’s going to be aging, there’s going to be illness, there’s going to be death. These things are normal for everybody. If we want to learn how not to suffer from them, we have to keep our minds normal in their presence." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Normalcy"

"You shouldn’t develop equanimity that leads to laziness and defeatism. Instead, develop the sort of equanimity [upekkhā pāramī] that allows you to accept setbacks and not get knocked out by them: the kind of equanimity that allows you to deal with difficulties and come out winning." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Good Heart, Good Mind: The Practice of the Ten Perfections"

“Even the Buddha couldn’t save other people; there were many people he couldn’t even teach. He taught only those who could be taught — in other words, those who were willing to take responsibility for their own sufferings.” ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu “You Can't Eat the Buddha” (Meditations5)