Thanissaro Bhikkhu on Equanimity

Question: For Westerners, equanimity is often given a bad rap. It’s seen as kind of a sense of futility, a passive attitude, indifference, or even a weakness. Is this true? Can you give us some examples that would show that there is actually a noble, better understanding of this noble faculty? Thanissaro Bhikkhu: Equanimity is basically accepting things that you realize you cannot change. And the reason why we have to accept them is because if we don’t, we waste a lot of energy trying to change things that we can’t. If you do develop equanimity toward those things, though, then you have the energy to change the things that you can. For example, suppose that someone in your family has a serious illness. You have to accept that fact with equanimity, and then from there you try to see what you can do to help. The acceptance is what allows you to think clearly. If you’re upset or disturbed by the illness, sometimes you actually make the condition worse. So, we’re not talking about a gene...

"Look at the words of the reflection: “All beings are owners of their actions. Whatever they do, for good or for evil, to that will they fall heir.” It’s a recognition of responsibility, and it’s a recognition of cause and effect. This is one of the reasons why equanimity is said to be the highest of the brahmaviharas, because, to be skillful, it requires a large element of wisdom. It’s a particular kind of acceptance. And it’s a particular kind of indifference. The acceptance here is that if you want happiness, you’ve got to do things to find that happiness. You accept the principle that your actions make the difference between whether your goodwill will actually be brought into reality or whether something’s going to get in the way. The indifference is indifference to ideas that would look for happiness in other ways, aside from your own actions — such as depending on some outside power or some outside being to come and do things for you. You have to be indifferent to those id...

"In our practice, we try to have goodwill [mettā] for all beings, which means that we not only wish that they be happy, but also that they create the causes for true happiness. Otherwise, the happiness is not going to happen. You have to understand happiness in the context of karma. Our goodwill for all beings doesn’t mean that they will all act in good ways or that they will all be happy. We’re trying to make that our underlying intention as we deal with our own mind, as we deal with other people so that all our actions come from a skillful motivation. An important part of this training is to realize that the opposite of goodwill should not be ill will. In other words, when people are not acting in ways that are conducive to happiness, we don’t have ill will for them. The alternative should be equanimity, which doesn’t mean indifference. It means learning to put certain things aside, learning to put your hopes and preferences aside, and to look at the situation: Wha...

"When, while you’re trying to develop compassion and empathetic joy, you run across cases where you can’t help the other person, either to become happy or to maintain happiness, that’s when you have to develop equanimity. This is the equanimity of a good doctor who realizes that he can’t solve all the cases in the world. But if he lets his heart get broken over all the cases he can’t solve, he won’t have the energy to help the cases he might have been able to solve. So for the people who come to him and have the karma that allows him to help — and he himself has the karma that allows him to help them — he should think of that as a precious opportunity. It’s not always there. Make the most of it and don’t let yourself get distracted by things you can’t control or where you can’t be of help. Because, as I said, karma is complex. The combination of the patient’s karma to be in a position where he or she can be cured, and the doctor’s karmic connection with that patient: It doesn’t al...

"In our practice, we try to have goodwill [mettā] for all beings, which means that we not only wish that they be happy, but also that they create the causes for true happiness. Otherwise, the happiness is not going to happen. You have to understand happiness in the context of karma. Our goodwill for all beings doesn’t mean that they will all act in good ways or that they will all be happy. We’re trying to make that our underlying intention as we deal with our own mind, as we deal with other people so that all our actions come from a skillful motivation. An important part of this training is to realize that the opposite of goodwill should not be ill will. In other words, when people are not acting in ways that are conducive to happiness, we don’t have ill will for them. The alternative should be equanimity, which doesn’t mean indifference. It means learning to put certain things aside, learning to put your hopes and preferences aside, and to look at the situation: What can be done...

"You forgive people for being different. And not just different: There are people who really do have ill will; there are people who really are motivated by very unskillful desires. You have to accept that that’s part of the human realm. But you can’t let that aggravate the mind. You realize that’s their business. It’s a sorry thing that that’s the way they are. If you can help them change their ways, you try. But if they’re resistant to your help, you just have to let them go. Work on developing wisdom in your own attitude. Just because someone else’s been unskillful is not an excuse for you to be unskillful, too — and it’s also not an excuse for you to get your mind all worked up. You’ve got to look after the quality of your mind, because the quality of your mind is what determines what you’re going to do. If you let other people’s attitudes infect your attitude, you’re behaving irresponsibly. So think in those terms until you get the mind ready to settle down."...

"You forgive people for being different. And not just different: There are people who really do have ill will; there are people who really are motivated by very unskillful desires. You have to accept that that’s part of the human realm. But you can’t let that aggravate the mind. You realize that’s their business. It’s a sorry thing that that’s the way they are. If you can help them change their ways, you try. But if they’re resistant to your help, you just have to let them go. Work on developing wisdom in your own attitude. Just because someone else’s been unskillful is not an excuse for you to be unskillful, too — and it’s also not an excuse for you to get your mind all worked up. You’ve got to look after the quality of your mind, because the quality of your mind is what determines what you’re going to do. If you let other people’s attitudes infect your attitude, you’re behaving irresponsibly. So think in those terms until you get the mind ready to settle down." ~ Thanissaro...

"When, while you’re trying to develop compassion and empathetic joy, you run across cases where you can’t help the other person, either to become happy or to maintain happiness, that’s when you have to develop equanimity. This is the equanimity of a good doctor who realizes that he can’t solve all the cases in the world. But if he lets his heart get broken over all the cases he can’t solve, he won’t have the energy to help the cases he might have been able to solve. So for the people who come to him and have the karma that allows him to help — and he himself has the karma that allows him to help them — he should think of that as a precious opportunity. It’s not always there. Make the most of it and don’t let yourself get distracted by things you can’t control or where you can’t be of help. Because, as I said, karma is complex. The combination of the patient’s karma to be in a position where he or she can be cured, and the doctor’s karmic connection with that patient: It doesn’t al...