Thanissaro Bhikkhu on Equanimity

"It’s interesting that Ajaan Lee focuses on what other people say as one of the tests for a mind that’s really at peace. The Buddha makes a similar point in one of the Dhammapada verses. “If, when other people say harsh things to you and you don’t reverberate — like a cracked gong — that’s a sign that you’ve attained true peace of mind.” This might seem strange. Why does the test lie in how you react to what other people say? The mind is very sensitive to this issue. We learn very early in our lives that our happiness is going to depend on how other people treat us. As children, we’re surrounded by people a lot more powerful than we are, so there’s always a sense of fear built into our relationships to the people around us. We become sensitive to other people’s moods, sensitive to what they might do, what they might say. As a result, our center of gravity is placed outside because we’re afraid of them, and we try to put up a wall outside ourselves to protect ourselves from them....

"The Buddha says that there are basically two kinds of speech, pleasant speech and unpleasant speech. He divides them into different ways of being pleasant and unpleasant. There’s well-meaning and ill-meaning speech, harsh and gentle, timely and untimely, true and false. These categories of speech can be found all over the world. So when you’re the person to whom untimely, unkind, untrue, ill-meaning speech is directed, there’s nothing really strange about that. This is part of the human condition." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Stop Shooting Yourself"

"The Buddha said that universal goodwill [mettā] is a kind of determination and a kind of mindfulness. Determination in the sense that you have to make up your mind that you’re always going to act on goodwill. It doesn’t come spontaneously. In some cases it may come naturally, but in other cases it doesn’t. So you have to remember when you’re dealing with people you like: goodwill. When you’re dealing with people you don’t like: goodwill. And then you want to go beyond just thinking thoughts of goodwill to acting and speaking in ways that genuinely embody goodwill." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "A Skillful Heart"

"Remember that sounds come, sounds go. You want to make sure that your mind stays the same. This is the normal way of the human race. If you don’t like unkind speech, hurtful speech, untrue speech, find some other place to be born. But for the time being, you’re here right now. So just take this as something normal. When you see it outside as normal, your mind can stay normal as well. That’s how your goodness doesn’t get shattered, doesn’t get wounded by these things. You can still make up your mind, “I’m going to do good in this world, regardless of what other people say.” As long as you know for sure that it’s good, stick with it. Don’t let other people’s opinions get in the way. After all, the goodness you do will be yours. The words they say are theirs, so leave them as theirs, and things are a lot more peaceful in the world." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Hurtful Words"

“Suppose that a man were to come along carrying a burning grass torch and saying, ‘With this burning grass torch I will heat up the river Ganges and make it boil.’ Now, what do you think? Would he, with that burning grass torch, heat up the river Ganges and make it boil?” “No, lord. Why is that? Because the river Ganges is deep & enormous. It’s not easy to heat it up and make it boil with a burning grass torch. The man would reap only a share of weariness & disappointment.” “In the same way, monks, there are these five aspects of speech by which others may address you: timely or untimely, true or false, affectionate or harsh, beneficial or unbeneficial, with a mind of goodwill [mettā] or with inner hate. Others may address you in a timely way or an untimely way. They may address you with what is true or what is false. They may address you in an affectionate way or a harsh way. They may address you in a beneficial way or an unbeneficial way. They may address you with a mind of...

"Remember that sounds come, sounds go. You want to make sure that your mind stays the same. This is the normal way of the human race. If you don’t like unkind speech, hurtful speech, untrue speech, find some other place to be born. But for the time being, you’re here right now. So just take this as something normal. When you see it outside as normal, your mind can stay normal as well. That’s how your goodness doesn’t get shattered, doesn’t get wounded by these things. You can still make up your mind, “I’m going to do good in this world, regardless of what other people say.” As long as you know for sure that it’s good, stick with it. Don’t let other people’s opinions get in the way. After all, the goodness you do will be yours. The words they say are theirs, so leave them as theirs, and things are a lot more peaceful in the world." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Hurtful Words"

"Realize that the kind of speech that human beings engage in is sometimes well meaning and sometimes not well meaning. Sometimes it’s true and sometimes it’s false. Sometime it’s gentle; sometimes it’s harsh. Sometimes it’s outrageous. So when someone says something outrageous to you, that’s not the first time that’s happened in the world. You’re not the only person who’s being subjected to that. Everybody, even the Buddha, was subjected to criticism – totally unfair. Just chalk that up to the fact that you were born as a human being and this is the kind of stuff that human beings are subject to. This reflection is not meant to make you totally passive, but at least it gets you emotionally out of the issue. Then you can look at it from a more objective standard. What would be an effective thing to say right now?" ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Deconstruct Your Emotions"

"This is the normal way of the human race. If you don’t like unkind speech, hurtful speech, untrue speech, find some other place to be born. But for the time being, you’re here right now. So just take this as something normal. When you see it outside as normal, your mind can stay normal as well. That’s how your goodness doesn’t get shattered, doesn’t get wounded by these things. You can still make up your mind, “I’m going to do good in this world, regardless of what other people say.” As long as you know for sure that it’s good, stick with it. Don’t let other people’s opinions get in the way. After all, the goodness you do will be yours. The words they say are theirs, so leave them as theirs, and things are a lot more peaceful in the world." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Hurtful Words"

"The Buddha says that there are basically two kinds of speech, pleasant speech and unpleasant speech. He divides them into different ways of being pleasant and unpleasant. There’s well-meaning and ill-meaning speech, harsh and gentle, timely and untimely, true and false. These categories of speech can be found all over the world. So when you’re the person to whom untimely, unkind, untrue, ill-meaning speech is directed, there’s nothing really strange about that. This is part of the human condition." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Stop Shooting Yourself"

"The Buddha said that universal goodwill [mettā] is a kind of determination and a kind of mindfulness. Determination in the sense that you have to make up your mind that you’re always going to act on goodwill. It doesn’t come spontaneously. In some cases it may come naturally, but in other cases it doesn’t. So you have to remember when you’re dealing with people you like: goodwill. When you’re dealing with people you don’t like: goodwill. And then you want to go beyond just thinking thoughts of goodwill to acting and speaking in ways that genuinely embody goodwill." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "A Skillful Heart"

"This is the normal way of the human race. If you don’t like unkind speech, hurtful speech, untrue speech, find some other place to be born. But for the time being, you’re here right now. So just take this as something normal. When you see it outside as normal, your mind can stay normal as well. That’s how your goodness doesn’t get shattered, doesn’t get wounded by these things. You can still make up your mind, “I’m going to do good in this world, regardless of what other people say.” As long as you know for sure that it’s good, stick with it. Don’t let other people’s opinions get in the way. After all, the goodness you do will be yours. The words they say are theirs, so leave them as theirs, and things are a lot more peaceful in the world." ~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Hurtful Words"

The Buddha: “Suppose that a man were to come along carrying a burning grass torch and saying, ‘With this burning grass torch I will heat up the river Ganges and make it boil.’ Now, what do you think? Would he, with that burning grass torch, heat up the river Ganges and make it boil?” The monks: “No, lord. Why is that? Because the river Ganges is deep & enormous. It’s not easy to heat it up and make it boil with a burning grass torch. The man would reap only a share of weariness & disappointment.” The Buddha: “In the same way, monks, there are these five aspects of speech by which others may address you: timely or untimely, true or false, affectionate or harsh, beneficial or unbeneficial, with a mind of goodwill or with inner hate. Others may address you in a timely way or an untimely way. They may address you with what is true or what is false. They may address you in an affectionate way or a harsh way. They may address you in a beneficial way or an unbeneficial way. They may a...