It’s good to have unlimited goodwill and equanimity as a solvent. But it does require determination. It requires mindfulness. It’s a form of mindfulness, as the Buddha said. You have to keep it in mind.

"You want to remind yourself that no matter what comes up [in the meditation], you’re not going to let yourself get shaken. And as to whatever narratives you have regarding this person or that, you’re not going to let them get in the way, because the best narrative-dissolver is thoughts of goodwill [mettā], followed by thoughts of equanimity.

That chant we have, “All beings are the owners of their actions, heir to actions,” is not meant to be indifference. But it does point you to something, which is that the extent to which we have involvement with other people, it comes down to what karma are we taking out of that involvement? Because every relationship has to end. What karma do you have as a result of the relationship? That’s the question. And it’s an impersonal question.

We tend to think that so much of our happiness depends on being with this person or that, and having this situation and that situation with that person. And it gets very personal. It also gets very entangling. It gets you entangled in partiality, entangled in conditions. But here we’re trying to release ourselves from conditions. And so it’s good to have unlimited goodwill and equanimity as a solvent. But it does require determination. It requires mindfulness. It’s a form of mindfulness, as the Buddha said. You have to keep it in mind. But you want to learn how to make it second nature, particularly as you meditate.

Whoever you see in your meditation, whatever you sense in the meditation, just “Goodwill, goodwill.” And then you can get back to work, because there is work to be done...."

~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "Love Is Conditional, Goodwill Is Not"

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