We want things to be a certain way outside. But people have every right to think, say and do whatever they want. When you realize that, you have to focus on the ways in which you keep on churning up more issues inside.

"We start the meditation with thoughts of goodwill [mettā] to clean out our minds from all the stories of the day: “This person did that, that person did this.” Or the stories of the year or the stories of your lifetime. Think about that statement at the end of the chant just now: “Those who are capable of making an end.” That’s what we’re trying to do: Put an end to suffering. It means putting an end to a lot of stories we keep dragging out. After all, those stories are what keep us going, especially if they involve some wrong that we want to right. That would mean we’d have to come back. And, of course, what usually happens when a wrong gets righted is that some more wrong gets done. Then the other side decides that they’ve been unfairly treated, and it goes back and forth like this.

There are many stories in the commentaries about issues going back and forth to the point where you lose track of who started it. So it’s best to think in ways that can put an end. One of the best ends is when you decide you’re going to step out of the back and forth, to pull yourself out of the feeding chain. That’s what you’re doing right now. So, to whatever extent you need to do a little extra adjustment to the narrative — especially, in cases where you were the wronged party last time around — tell yourself that you’ve decided to forgive the other side, so as to find the way out.

So much life in samsara is just a big fight. The Buddha’s image is of fish in a stream that’s drying up. They’re struggling with one another for that last gulp of water and then they’re all going to die regardless. So you ask yourself, “Does it really matter who gets that last gulp of water, who gets the final victory over somebody else? How about getting victory over yourself?” The Buddha said that kind of victory, victory over yourself, is really worthwhile. That’s what the path is all about: the “unexcelled victory” through the noble eightfold path. That’s a battle where you’re not fighting with anybody outside at all. You’re fighting with your own greed, aversion, and delusion — and all your attachments.

The hardest attachments to let go of, they say, is the sense of having been wronged. There’s usually a desire to want to get back or, at the very least, to have the other side acknowledge that they did wrong. But remember, we’re living in a world where people have the right to withhold kindness. They have the right to withhold any goodness if they want to. And the more you try to force things on other people, then you become the bad party, pushing your way on others.

One of the hardest things we find living in this world where we have freedom of choice is that other people have freedom of choice, too. That’s hard to accept sometimes. We want things to be a certain way outside. But people have every right to think whatever they want, to say whatever they want, to do whatever they want. When you realize that, you have to develop equanimity so that you can focus on what the real issues are: the ways in which you keep on churning up more issues inside. As the Buddha said, the craving that makes for becoming is a big issue. You make something from that becoming and then you become a being with needs to feed. You live in a world where other beings are trying to feed as well. There’s going to be conflict. So you have to remember that the becomings in your mind are not just idle pastimes. They can have a big impact on what’s going to happen now and on into the future."

~ Thanissaro Bhikkhu "An End to the Stories"